L O V E

Ok, so this is going to be a little different i think. HE has had me stuck on Love for months. Studing the meanings of the word and all the different ways it was used in HIS word. I love, love... Ok kinda silly but it is true. I'm all about showing love, to those around me, to HIM, to strangers, it's one of my things!!!
BUT, i have had this issue with Love. I am afraid of it, or at least the part that involves one man one woman for as long as you both shall live kind of love. I figured this out, i guess, when i was in Seminary and looked back over my dating history. It was not awful but i always seemed to choose the guys, that were sooooooo not what i was looking for or what I believe HE wants for me.
This fear , that resulted in these choices, came from the loss of Jeff. Jeff and i grew up together, his last name started with a B too. So we sat by each other for years. We shared triumps, and dreams, lots of silliness, and a really good friendship. Somewhere along the way this friendship changed, into something else. We were still young, i was barely 16 and he was 17. We never defined the love between us because it was so different and new to us.
Then he was gone.......... He died in an accident on his motorcycle. I was crushed , sometimes i am still crushed. Sometimes, i'm afraid of losing those i love, family and friends. I came to know
Christ partially because of Jeff's death, and paritally because i realized HE had always been a part of my life.
So, HE has been talking to me about this fear for a long, long time now. I have held on to that fear to, i don't know keep myself safe maybe. It has become a hinderance in my relationships, because i don't let others especially men that i might have any sort of interest in, but generally everyone see my heart. You can know i want to serve my church, that i love God and people, that i'm kinda creative and like to express that in many ways, but that's about it.
I want you to see me. I want to be open with my dreams, and gerenous with the love tat HE has given me.
So this is the plan. I'm a plan kind of person. I am going to let go relly let go of this this somthering, stiffeling fear. DEEP BREATH!!!!! My heart belongs to HIM. I am going to take a chance, and even if i fall flat and get hurt, i am going to try again.
I was made to love. I do not know what will happen tomorrow, so this is my chance.
So watch out... You are going to get hugs, and smiles, tears, lots of information about me. You may already have more than you ever wanted to know after this post. Bear with me this is new and not easy for me. Ask me about my dreams, my goals, whatever. I want you to know me. I want you to see my heart. Mostly pray for me, Please. I love you my dear friends.